A Parent’s Love: The Missing Link

Dear Alice,
My name is Joyce and I am 53 years old. I have had a great life however it didn’t begin that way. My parents weren’t the best and I inherited a lot of baggage. I have managed to provide a wonderful upbringing for my children but I still long for the support I missed out on when I was a kid. I have always wished my parents had told me that they loved me, or been present at my life events. How can I let go and feel the same love for myself as I give my children?
Joyce

Hi Joyce,
Thank you for writing in! There is a therapeutic technique called Re-Parenting that may be useful to you. This is a healing process that allows you to meet your own emotional needs, to provide comfort and love yourself; the way that you have always longed for. A parent’s role is to provide love and security, to provide boundaries as well as emotional support. If you missed out on these things during your childhood you can heal your inner child through re-parenting yourself. This takes some imagination and practice. There are generally three parts of this process, your inner child, your adult self and your parental figure. Some people like to split the parental figure into Mother and Father, depending on what you need in any given situation. Create archetypes that provide you with love and boundaries. When you find yourself retreating into your inner child state you may need to step into a Mother role and provide yourself emotional safety. Tell yourself that ‘it’s okay’, that you will ‘get through this’ and listen to your inner Mother figure’s advice; such as running a hot bath or eating a nutritious meal. Your Father figure may provide you with encouragement, disciple and be your number one cheerleader. This may assist you to enforce your own rules and boundaries. Using your adult self, ask logically ‘If a child was hurting, or in need of guidance, what would a good parent do?’. You know what you need; you have been a parent to your own children. All that you seek lies within yourself. It is time for you to provide yourself with the love, support and security that your inner child deserves. Please be aware that this process can trigger childhood trauma and is best done with the support of a trained professional such as a psychologist. You got this!